


Well Worth Waiting

by pgk



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: 2020ERGiftExchange, F/F, LGBTQ Female Characters, takes place in an au version of early season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28218096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pgk/pseuds/pgk
Summary: Kerry and Susan are working out exactly what it means to be together when an unexpected arrival at their dinner shatters their rose colored glasses.
Relationships: Susan Lewis/Kerry Weaver
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	Well Worth Waiting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wonderofasunrise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderofasunrise/gifts).



> Happy Holidays, M! I really hope you enjoy this story and it manages to be a little source of joy in what I know has been a really, really awful week for you. I didn’t expect to ever write a Susan x Kerry story because they are already written so masterfully by you and others, but I hope I’ve done them justice. It took me a little while to figure out what to write about but I thought back to what I think was your very first post on Tumblr and it hit me. 
> 
> I don’t want to give away the story, but please consider it my virtual hug to you. This is such a journey and we are all on our own paths. Sending you a lot of love.
> 
> xo PGK
> 
> PS on a less meaningful note: in this universe, Kerry never got that awful season 8 cut/dye job, Susan kept her from making that awful decision and instead she kept growing out her hair from when we last saw her in 7. Susan also did not get _her_ awful haircut but I’m not sure how to explain that one, just accept it as fact, because I just don’t know how two people with such awful hair could ever come together.

The lights in the dim seafood restaurant were just bright enough for Susan to catch the warm glow in Kerry’s eyes across the table. Susan was in the middle of her third Little Suzie story of the night - this one involving some misadventures with a melted jar of play dough - feeling the love for her niece bubble at the pit of her stomach at the memory, but even as she spoke she could feel herself almost lose her train of thought, completely entranced by Kerry’s luminous green eyes. 

How Susan Lewis found herself here, in Chicago for the fourth time in two months, in one of the most expensive restaurants in the city, on her third date with Kerry Weaver of all people… she wasn’t sure. It felt like yesterday Susan had tracked down Kerry’s address in the phone book, turning up at her door full of piss and vinegar, ready for a colossal confrontation, culminating from a history of pent up frustration that they’d somehow repressed during their time together. She’d alternated between knocking and ringing the doorbell until finally Kerry emerged from where she’d all but hidden behind her couch. The blonde’s face was the very last one Kerry had expected when she finally worked up the courage to open her door, yet there Susan stood, with an air of carefully manufactured confidence only strengthened by the visual of the woman opposite her, dressed in ripped flannel pajama bottoms and a faded high school graduation t-shirt. 

Susan had shown up to give Kerry a piece of her mind. She’d heard from Mark the way Kerry had handled everything regarding his tumor and the after effects of his surgery and she was livid - going so far as to ambush the redhead at her doorstep the next time she was in town for a conference. Susan had not expected to find such a broken heap of a person, a far cry from the dominant, power-hungry redhead she had known five years before. This woman was sad and small and lost (and hiding from a hospital staff who believed her to be in Africa). It had broken Susan’s reserve almost immediately and somehow the two of them had ended up talking like they never had before.

They’d ended up doing  _ a lot _ of things they never had done before.

The shattered redhead was starting to get put back together and Susan could feel parts of herself mending, as well. Parts that she didn’t realize were broken until they began to heal with every soft touch of Kerry’s hand on her arm, every warm breath on her neck. Though never in a million years had Susan expected to find such comfort with this particular person, she could no longer imagine life without her. Susan began to lose her way in the story again, allowing herself to marvel at the woman in front of her as she took a momentary pause, sipping from her glass of red wine Kerry had splurged on at $95 a bottle.

“I obviously wasn’t paying enough attention to the toddler I allowed free range in the living room.”

“But you eventually found the play-dough?”

“No, a nurse at work noticed it on the back of my pants and worked up the courage to tell me about three hours into my shift.” The two women laughed into their wine glasses, their voices drowned out quickly by the large group that walked through the front doors of the restaurant, loud enough to be obtrusive through the walls that separated the front from the dining area. The large picture window between rooms, however, gave each new guest a full display of the atmosphere of the cozy, high priced dining area and as Kerry’s attention was drawn to the loud group, her eyes seemed to grow three times their size. Susan barely had time to ask her what was wrong before Kerry’s hand that held her glass of wine tipped almost independently of herself and the contents of her glass poured into her lap, coating her light dress pants and deep blue satin top.

Susan gasped at the sudden movement, trying to hold back shocked laughter as the two women processed what had just happened. “Oh my God, Kerry!”

Kerry stood abruptly and Susan quickly grabbed her napkin off of her own lap to try to help pad some of the excess wine off of Kerry’s pant legs.

“I should go to the ladies room.” Kerry said suddenly, collecting her crutch from where it was hanging off of the back of her chair and securing the cuff around her arm.

“Do you want help?” Susan rose out of her chair in tandem, trying her best to keep from laughing at the mortified woman.

“No!” Kerry said with force, then softened, ducking her head and almost hiding behind her shoulder length hair as it fell in her face. “No, no I’ll be back. I’ll be right back.” And before Susan could register Kerry’s response, she was gone.

_ What the hell just happened, _ Susan thought to herself, finding her seat again and reaching to wipe up the few drops of wine off of the table beside Kerry’s plate of food. She really had managed to land most of it on herself, and Susan could have sworn Kerry had deliberately poured the glass into her lap. It was such a drastic move for the normally restrained, collected, and tidy woman.

“Susan?” A familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she turned around in her chair. “I thought that was you!”

“Carter!” Susan beamed, rising out of her chair and allowing herself to be encompassed by the waiting arms of the younger doctor.

“It’s great to see you! What are you doing here?” He said as they pulled apart, the surprise at happening upon his old coworker he hadn’t seen in nearly five years clear in the smile he couldn’t seem to wipe off of his face.

“Visiting an old friend!” Susan was quick to lie as the puzzle pieces fell into place in her head. Kerry had seen Carter and needed a quick exit. “A friend from med school. A rich friend, obviously, I can’t imagine willingly spending so much on a plate of food.” Susan rambled. Kerry had found this particular restaurant on the other side of town, figuring they would be safe from gossiping eyes so far away (and out of most everyone’s price point… they obviously had not considered the Carters). 

“No, I mean in Chicago.” Carter clarified.

“Oh! Right. Conference. You know, a working vacation. Uh, but what are you doing here? Not in Chicago.  _ Here _ here.”

“It’s my Uncle’s 50th, and we’re here so often we have a standing reservation for their event space.” Susan watched as Carter barely kept from rolling his eyes, looking quickly back through the large windows to the crowd of Carters gathering in the lobby, hurrying to miss the rain as it began to pour outside. He looked back to Susan, a dumbfounded smile still plastered on his face, before his eyes found the empty chair across from her own. “Where’s your friend?”

“Ah, bathroom,” Susan said casually, resuming her seat and taking a semi-large swig of wine.

“Well, you guys are welcome to join us upstairs, if you’d like. Free food and the whole space is ours.” Carter tried to tempt her. Susan knew he’d had somewhat of a crush on her when they’d worked together and was momentarily entertained by the idea of explaining exactly why she was there and who she was there with.

Susan was quick to turn him down, however. “Oh, thanks for the invite, Carter, but I think we’re gonna finish up here and head out. I’ve got an early flight in the morning.” She just didn’t say which morning.

“Bummer,” Carter still smiled at her, beginning to step away as he watched his family be ushered up the stairs. “We’ll have to catch up next time you’re in town.” He said sweetly as he began to join his family.

“Thanks, Carter, for sure.” Susan agreed, watching him go. 

“We miss you around here!” Carter threw over his shoulder with one last smile before ascending the stairs.

Susan had such a tender spot in her heart for the young doctor; he had been so bright eyed and ready for anything in his early residency. She couldn’t help sense the slight darkness he carried with him now and tucked away the thought to ask Kerry about later.

Susan finished off her glass of wine and thought of pouring another before taking a peek at her watch. Kerry had been absent for upwards of fifteen minutes now. Instead of continuing to wait, Susan flagged down their waiter.

“Ma’am?” He asked smoothly, coming to stand beside her.

“Could you box this up for us? And package the rest of this bottle to go?” Susan asked, pulling her silverware off of her plate before handing her nearly untouched meal to the confused man.

“Of course, was there something wrong with your meals tonight?”

“No, no not at all.” Susan assured him as she handed him Kerry’s plate from across the table. “My friend just isn’t feeling very well.” She wasn’t sure exactly what was up with Kerry but was fairly sure that statement covered it.

“I will get these right out for you.” He said with a nod, turning away before Susan stopped him again.

“Wait, here take this,” she rifled through her purse and pulled out her credit card, sticking it on the corner of one of the plates as his hands were full. He nodded and moved toward the kitchen. Susan checked her watch again. Twenty minutes, now. She stood, making sure to leave her purse in her seat so the waiter would know she’d be returning, and moved toward the bathrooms.

Susan pushed the door open and did a quick survey of the small room. The bathroom was intimate and dark, much like the rest of the restaurant. There were four stalls and three of them were empty. Susan leaned down a bit and caught sight of two shoes and the tip of a crutch in the occupied stall and waited a moment before speaking.

“Are you still here or did you climb out the window?” Her voice carried her signature sarcastic tone and Susan worried it had been misconstrued until Kerry spoke up softly.

“I’m here.”

Susan couldn’t help smiling, picturing Kerry sitting demurely behind the closed door.

“Do you wanna come out soon? Or do you live here now?” Susan crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall. She heard Kerry stand behind the door, obviously not having actually gone to the bathroom, unlocking it and pushing the door open. Susan’s eyebrows raised as she got her first good look at the giant wine stain Kerry had managed to decorate on herself, remembering that it had been nearly a full glass. Kerry’s eyes were locked on the floor, a mixture of embarrassment and regret filled them.

“Carter’s family is upstairs having a birthday party.” Susan said, subtly hinting to Kerry her discovery of the reason for her abrupt departure. Kerry nodded her acknowledgement, pressing her lips together. “Do you want to leave?”

Kerry’s eyes found Susan’s and the desperation in them was louder than any words she could have spoken.

“I thought so; the waiter’s boxing our stuff up right now.”

“My purse is at the table, let me get my credit card,” Kerry moved to the door, the abrupt energy change seemingly an attempt to distract herself. Susan put an arm out to stop her and they both froze, relishing in the momentary closeness before Susan spoke.

“I already paid. That way we can sneak you right out the back.” She joked, letting her finger lightly touch the dark blotch on Kerry’s blouse.

“Susan, you shouldn’t have paid. I’m the one who ordered that bottle of wine.” Kerry shivered at the light touch of Susan’s hand on her stomach.

“It’s ok,” Susan finally reached a hand onto Kerry’s waist and pulled her closer, feeling as Kerry reluctantly allowed herself to melt into the embrace, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “You can get it next time.”

  
  
  


The ride home was fairly quiet as Kerry kept her focus locked on the road ahead of them, squinting as the reflection of the lights on the wet cement made it difficult to make out the lanes. The Peggy Lee disc in Kerry’s CD player set the tone for the ride, scoring both of their internal dialogues as they moved through the drenched city.

Kerry eventually pulled up in front of Susan’s hotel, utilizing her handicap placard to get a spot closer to the door, reducing Susan’s expedition in the pouring rain. Susan watched her closely as she set the car in park and leaned back in her seat.

“Do you want to come up?” Susan asked before Kerry could speak. Susan could see the implications of that particular question at the end of their third date wash over Kerry’s face and spoke again before Kerry’s brain was able to short out completely. “To  _ eat _ .” Susan clarified, giggling at the way Kerry’s face flushed. “We barely made a dent in our meals, and I’d happily pour you another glass of wine if you promise not to dump it on yourself.”

The corners of Kerry’s lips turned upward as Susan spoke. Susan could see she was tempted and silently willed her to accept the offer. The blonde felt a wash of relief and an almost nervous excitement when Kerry finally nodded, collecting her crutch and her umbrella as Susan gathered the take out food and the stapled brown bag that held their nearly full wine bottle. Simultaneously, they both got out of the car and galloped quickly to the large front doors of the hotel lobby. Kerry held her umbrella over Susan as they waited for a group of people to exit, both women shaking with laughter as they tried to escape into the dry indoors before they were thoroughly soaked.

It was the first time Kerry had been back to Susan’s hotel room, and Susan felt another momentary rush of nerves as they awkwardly waited in the elevator, watching the numbers light up on the wall as it climbed up to the eighth floor. Soon, they walked beside each other down the hallway until Susan stopped, unlocking and opening the door to her suite, holding it for Kerry as she passed through.

“Thank God for housekeeping,” Susan said, relieved to see the disheveled state she had left the room in that morning had been neatened, moving into the kitchen area and putting down their leftovers. She returned to Kerry’s side, taking Kerry’s umbrella from her and hanging it in the shower to dry. “Do you want to get out of those clothes?” Susan started before moving into the bedroom. Kerry’s eyebrows raised suggestively and she laughed.

“I knew you didn’t just want to eat,” she joked, following her to the bedroom. Susan, surprised by Kerry’s forwardness, even in jest, couldn’t help the all-encompassing smile that invaded her face as she laughed, looking slack-jawed at Kerry in the doorway. 

“Get out of those clothes to get the stain out,” Susan clarified unnecessarily, rifling through her suitcase for a new pair of pants and a shirt for Kerry to wear. “These are going to be too big but they’ll be comfortable.” Susan offered, crossing to Kerry and holding out the garments. Kerry gathered them in her left arm and moved to the bathroom.

Susan knocked on the door after a few minutes. “Kerry?”

“Mhm,” Susan barely heard her response but could hear the rustling of clothes as she changed.

“Just checking.” Susan couldn’t help teasing her, hoping to lighten up a night she knew Kerry would probably be embarrassed about for the rest of her days.

Susan could hear the tap of Kerry’s crutch cross the hotel room as she opened the takeout bag and pulled out the containers, moving their meals onto plates to reheat them in the microwave. She looked up just in time to see Kerry round the corner, the sleeves of the blouse she lent her obviously too long as the cuffs reached past her hands. If she thought Kerry would be comfortable in casual sweats, she would have lent her those, but Kerry had kept herself so tidy since they started going out - tonight’s wine incident excluded. Susan put the silverware to the side and crossed to Kerry, collecting her stained clothes from her.

“Do you have any hydrogen peroxide?” Kerry asked, following Susan back to the bathroom where she swung open a cabinet door to reveal a stacked washer and dryer.

“You know, surprisingly, I don’t travel with hydrogen peroxide,” Susan quipped in response, laying Kerry’s clothes out in the sink. It felt so intimate to have Kerry’s clothes in her hands. She allowed herself to play with the silk fabric of Kerry’s shirt, imagining her body still beneath it, until Kerry moved to her side. 

“I know you’re being a jerk, but you really should.” Kerry replied, her eyes bright as she lightly bumped Susan with her hip. Susan stepped back and watched as Kerry meticulously worked the stain out of her shirt, less successfully with her beige pants, under the running water. Susan had settled sitting against the bathtub by the time Kerry had given up, letting them soak in the sink.

Susan stared at Kerry, unmoving, silently.

“What?” Kerry asked eventually, her cheeks blushing a light pink.

“I just like watching you.” Susan admitted, reaching her hands out for Kerry, silently willing her to come closer. When she did, albeit somewhat reluctantly, Susan reached her arms around Kerry’s waist and pulled her gently onto her lap. They were so close now that Susan could smell Kerry's shampoo and sunk her face into her neck, Kerry leaning into the embrace, almost curling up on her lap. Everything was still so new to them that even moments like this - alone, stowed away in a hotel room sitting beside a toilet - felt magical. They stayed like that for a while until eventually Susan began stroking Kerry’s back. “If the edge of this bathtub wasn’t the most uncomfortable place I’ve ever sat, I could stay here forever.”

Kerry took the not-so-subtle hint and rose from Susan’s lap, collecting her crutch from where she’d set it beside the sink at the beginning of her stain eradication efforts. Leaving her clothes to soak, they walked beside each other back toward the kitchen. Susan heated Kerry’s plate first and handed it to her, letting her eyes linger on Kerry’s backside a little longer than she’d like to admit as she watched the other woman move toward the couch. Susan placed her own meal in the microwave and poured two glasses of their ridiculously priced bottle of wine as the timer wound down. She was just able to deliver their glasses to the coffee table before the microwave beeped and she pulled her scalding plate out eagerly. As neither of them had eaten much beyond the escargot appetizer Kerry had insisted Susan try (and Susan begrudgingly enjoyed), the room was encapsulated by a hungry silence as they all but inhaled their meals.

Kerry set her plate in her lap and grabbed her glass of wine, taking her first sip since she’d dumped the last glass in her lap, and her cheeks burned a bright red as her eyes seemed to glaze over, obviously no longer entirely present in the room beside Susan.

“I’m sorry.” Kerry said suddenly, wine glass still in hand, as she turned to Susan beside her.

“For what?” Susan asked rhetorically. When her lightheartedness was not received with the desired effect, she changed her tone, setting down her fork. “It’s really not a big deal.”

“No, I should have…” Kerry began, setting her glass on the coffee table, then moving her plate off of her lap as well. “I don’t know what came over me. I- I saw Carter walk in and it was like an alarm system went off in my brain. I couldn’t stop myself.” She admitted, not quite able to look Susan in the eyes.

“Well,” Susan began, setting her own plate beside Kerry’s on the table, then leaning back into the couch. “If Carter had seen us, he wouldn’t have thought we were just two friends catching up over a bite to eat.” She agreed, acknowledging their rocky relationship from their past before continuing. “But, I don’t know if he would have exactly jumped to the  _ correct _ conclusion.” Kerry’s eyes met hers in a flash. “Even  _ I’m  _ surprised every time I see you again.” When Kerry still did not seem satisfied with Susan’s rationale, she lightly reached out her hand and touched Kerry’s forearm. “It’s okay.”

“No, no it- it’s not okay.” Kerry jumped up from her seat and began pacing the living room. “I’m not ashamed of this, of… of  _ us _ . I’m not.” Her eyes darted around the room as she tried to explain herself - to Susan, and to herself. “This is exactly what ruined everything last time. I was afraid. I don’t know why, I mean, I’m not one to back down from a challenge. I- I have proven so many people wrong my entire life; I have always been strong, and projected confidence and- and I have no problem with- with being g-gay. I don’t. I just. I just don’t- I just don’t know what comes over me. I-I saw Carter tonight and I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I wanted to melt into the floor. I don’t know why. I mean, I’m not ashamed. Susan, please believe me, I’m not ashamed.”

Susan rose and crossed to the panic-stricken redhead as she seemed to spiral before her very eyes. Susan cupped Kerry’s cheeks in her hands, holding her head steady as she caught her eye contact.

“Kerry. It’s okay. You can be confused and scared. It’s natural.” Susan tried to calm the redhead, taking deep breaths, hoping Kerry would follow her lead. She didn’t, however; Kerry’s breath continued to catch in her throat as if she were holding back tears. Her eyes darted back and forth between Susan’s until she finally spoke again.

“I’m terrified of losing you,” Kerry whispered, her voice quivering.

Susan didn’t respond right away, the fear and grief in Kerry’s admission striking her deeply within her heart. Instead of using her words, Susan moved Kerry’s face closer, capturing her soft lips between her own. When they parted, the tears Kerry had been trying to blink back finally spilled down her cheeks and Susan lifted her hand, brushing the wetness away lightly with her thumb. Kerry blinked a silent thank you until a movement caught her eye. The redhead lifted her own hand then, drying Susan’s tears that had fallen at the touch of Kerry’s warm skin beneath her fingers. Susan grabbed Kerry’s hand where it rested on her cheek and pulled it down to her heart, holding tightly as they both could feel her heartbeat within her chest. 

“You won’t lose me.” Susan finally said, whispering as their faces still lingered barely inches from each other. “I’m not going anywhere.” Susan pulled back slightly so she could see Kerry’s eyes clearer, still glossy and panic-stricken. “Your coming out? It’s not up to me. You’re not on my timeline.” Susan herself hadn’t exactly proclaimed her bisexual identity from the rooftops, but she certainly did not consider herself in the closet, and her heart ached for Kerry as she worked through the same fear Susan knew all too well. “I will be right here, by your side, patiently waiting, until  _ you’re _ ready.” She kissed her again, emphasizing her statement as Kerry began to collapse slightly in her arms. “I promise. Take your time.”

Kerry fully combusted into relieved tears, and Susan wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a secure hug. She still hadn’t gotten all the details about the way Kerry’s last relationship had ended, but she had a feeling that she’d needed to hear those particular words for a long time and Susan rubbed her back, rocking with her as they both allowed their tears to flow freely. She could feel Kerry’s body release tension she’d known from when they first began working together and Susan couldn’t help but take pride in the part she’d played in the release. 

Susan felt Kerry’s breaths even out and soon the redhead pulled away from Susan’s embrace. As their eyes locked, it hit Susan that words were no longer necessary between the two of them. Kerry’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. Besides, she was feeling the same way: completely overwhelmed at the shock and joy of finding such a remarkable woman to hold her, to comfort her. To love her.

Kerry reached up and pulled Susan into another kiss. Kerry would be ready someday. She’d figure out her hang ups, her insecurities, what exactly was causing such internal panic, but Susan would be by her side to hold her hand as she worked through it all. They may only hold hands in private, behind closed doors, behind the backs of those they knew, but soon enough, when Kerry was ready and not a second before, they would proudly announce their love to the world. The time would come. 

But for now, as Susan reached her arms around Kerry’s smaller frame, pulling her back into her embrace, and they held each other in the quiet hotel room, listening to the rain strumming against the windows, Susan realized just how content she was keeping this all to themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me this is not exactly the response Kerry (and all of us) deserved and tell me Susan is not exactly the person who would have given it to her. There is certainly some projection happening here, on my part, but what is fic for if not to work through your own issues? Isn't that what makes a compelling story? Hahaha 
> 
> I also have a prequel as well as a sequel in mind, if y’all like this one enough and want some more.
> 
> Happy Holidays, M. Here’s to a brighter 2021. xoxo


End file.
